I dont even know myself anymore

At this critical point i dont feel anywhere near great, not even close. I have nothing to be well happy bout, I have practically lost half of my interest in doing anything, I really want to fight back what ever i feel inside but slowly by day it keeps getting more and more obvious...

Im not a quitter, but there are times when u just have to say to ureself "NO"...
and not everything goes the way u planned them.... I had my fare share of failures... and money problems... which includes being unable to repay my parents, because i have used an extensive amount of cash for other things which at this moment i dont even know why I agreed to it...

Im very much pissed off at myself more than anything in this world...
Im just plain useles, I cant even do a darn egg without turning it into ashes...
I hate my self more than I hate Azron...
I hate what I do, I dont find any pleasure in it...
I dont even know why Im doing it in the first place...
Im this close to giving up, to just push everything off that cliff....
Im so close yet Im so afraid to take that leap...

Im not smart, on top of that im BloodY lazy...
I have no desire to fulfill anything anymore...
Im not interested in the picket white fences...
I dont want the green lawn...
U might be thinking "whats wrong with me~!".. believe me i think about this every night... What is my purpose.. why am I here when I can even do a damn egg~!... I cant find anything Im good at... Maybe Im just good at screwing up... I think Im good at that...

I dont even recognise myself anymore...
This is not me... I dont do this... I dont give up... but every part of me seems to be falling to pieces... im breaking down... and I dont think anyone can save me....