Learning to Lose

Tuesday, January 31, 2012
"Tonight I sleep alone...bt somehow u feel so near,
I can still hear your heartbeat,
I can feel your presence in this empty room,
Dreaming of your smile, your laughter, trying to feel your warmth....
but that day .... u felt so cold... so lifeless.....
I lost you....
He had better plans for you then we had for ourselves......
So.... tonight I sleep alone....in this empty room...
hoping that one day.... I will be where you are where we can meet again...."

Dealing with lost is the most incapacitating feeling I believe anyone can ever feel...
Because you know how u you can never get it back... and that it is lost forever
Humans are made in a such a way that we can't live alone...
That we must have a reason to live.....and when that reason is lost....
We find other means to motivate ourselves to live.....

Many of us have dealt with lost...
How we went through the 5 stages of grief...and moved on...
and some are still lingering a little while longer in any one of those stages.. still holding on to the memories of the past....

Its not easy... believe me... its really not easy....

If your ask me what's my greatest fear....

I would say "learning to lose the ones I love"

It hurts more knowing that you will never find the answer to why they went away... why it was them not you....and how you will never see them again...

WE DENY THE experience...
we tell ourselves that its not happening....
that everything is just going to sail away and it will all be normal again
and that he/she will come back...

AND WHEN reality slowly seeps in...
we retaliate and fight back.... Become angry at others... angry at them for leaving... or for hurting us...
Most importantly angry at ourselves to the thought that "we believed that we could have changed things" so that the past still remains the present....

SO we Cry... WE let down our guard and BEG for them to come back.... BEG for things to be normal again....

Every night ... Crying ourselves to sleep.... waking up to Broken HEART... Physically there but somehow your soul has died.... we don't eat, we don't sleep, we don't do the things we like anymore.....
mentally DEPRESSED... emotionally DRAINED
some can be suicidal.....

But then we wake up one day.... to a feeling that.... somehow... "its going to be okay"... and that I lost what I love the most.... but his/her memories will still remain in my heart.....
and that he/she would want me to be happy again... to do the things I love... to live life to the fullest till the  day where we will meet again....
We become contempt with what has happened.... and ACCEPT that God has a greater plan than WE have for ourselves....


The 5 stages of grief.....

DOnt be afraid to reach out for help.... your not the only one, there are many others who are going through the same experience....
Find strength in God by seeking refuge and salvation from HIM....

I always believe that God has greater plans then we have you ourselves....





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