not quite there yet

I just simply hate today, I hate myself for not waking up for radiology class, i hate myself for feeling like i have nothing in this world when I know that God has given me so much, I hate myself for always complaining bout life, but the matter of fact is that i miss home.... i miss getting away from this place called kelantan...
the people, the atmosphere, i dont whats wrong but something is just not right...
maybe i miss my cat too much, maybe im depressed at myself because all i can think about now is home when i have an exam next week, ppl ask me to focus.... im trying my best ~!!!!!
today it was just not working...
I feel like i wanna run away, far away from this place....
I feel like the urge to not meet anyone,
I feel the urge to not want to listen to any voices from the phone... and yes, there were many miss calls
Today I just felt like feeling selfish.... i mean whats so wrong about that
People can be selfish towards me, why cant i for once do the same thing....
I want to talk to my mum about it, but i know she will not understand, and its best if i dont talk to her now, cause im scared that i might yell at her for no reason, n she definitely does not deserve that from me....
i guess i cant really say how much i want to not be like this, believe me if i had a different option than i wouldnt have done this....
but today, is just one of those days where i dont feel alive at all...